I am nowhere near a “dating expert” but I’ve had my fair share of Starbucks dates with lovely women that are much wiser than me. We’ve sat and talked for hours about the idea of love and the hardship of dating. I can’t say I have it all figured out, but I can share with you the best advice I’ve ever received on dating.
“Missionary Dating” IS. NOT. REAL. DATING.
There’s something in our womanly nature that makes us think we are Chip and Joanna Gaines and can find a “fixer upper” of a boy and make him into a man. That is not our job. Only Jesus can do that, ladies. Don’t get me wrong, we were designed to be by man’s side, helping them, making them into a better version of themselves. However, when we maybe kinda accidentally fall in love with a guy who doesn’t love Jesus as much as we do (and it shows big time in how he acts) we can’t stay in the relationship because, “I’m going to change him, make him a better man.”
My love, let Jesus do that. Don’t let your heart ache in the process. Because here’s the cold hard truth, dating someone who is not on the same Christian walk as you, the same pace, the same desire for Jesus, while you will be trying to pull them along side you, they’ll actually be pulling you down. Now hear me out: boys become men, Jesus can change their heart, but that’s not your job. All you can do is pray for them.
Set your boundaries before you enter a relationship. On your own, while you’re single, for your own heart, how far is too far for you? Let’s face it, when we try to set boundaries while being in a relationship, we settle. We meet them half way. We compromise. When it comes to boundaries, we should never ever ever ever have to compromise. So when we set them now, and we enter a relationship, we can put our boundaries on the table right at the beginning and boldly say, “yo this is what I’m comfortable with. take it or leave it, I’m not changing my mind.”
Please, please, please, stay pure. When God tells us to refrain from sexual sin, it’s not to confine us into a tiny little box of purity, it’s a blessing for our marriage, it’s a blessing for our husband and our own hearts.
God will definitely heal a hurting heart that is feeling shame or guilt if you have sinned and have been impure, but if you can, save yourself the hurting heart. Temptation is hard to overcome, but guilt and shame are harder to deal with. Also, find a man who respects you and your body, one who won’t rush you or make you feel pressured, and a man who is on the same page as you are in your purity.
No guy can ever complete you.
I feel like we tend to long for a relationship because we have this idea that once we find him, once we finally find him, everything will be okay. That you will be whole. Now listen, no man will ever be able to complete you. Sure, they can make you happy. Sure, they can make you a better person. But once you find him, life isn’t always going to be rainbows and unicorns. You will still need Jesus more. No one can ever fully satisfy your heart the way Jesus does. So let’s stop desiring a relationship with an imperfect guy and start desiring a relationship with the Perfect One, Jesus Christ. You can’t be too dependent on man, depend solely on Jesus.
“No one can ever fully satisfy your heart the way that Jesus does.”
Mr. Perfect who?
Another myth we tend to believe: There’s a perfect guy out there. I laugh at myself for once thinking that’s true. We all have our flaws, so don’t be too picky. He needs you to love his flaws. I think it’s a great idea to write down a list of all the qualities you want in a guy and to pray for him. But don’t expect him to always get things right. It’s not his job to be perfect. It’s your job to help him on his walk with Christ. Walk beside him. Cheer him on. Push him. Challenge him. Help him be more like Jesus. And he should always do the same for you.
I don’t expect you to be so sure of your love life now, but I hope you leave with a confidence in the love of Jesus, the unconditional and sustainable love of Christ, that is so much greater.
A love like no other.
A love that no man can ever give you.